Broken Down Girl
Location: The Tower - Atlanta, GA
Timeline: March 17th, 2010 - Sometime before dawn
Alexis closed her eyes and then opened them again, it wasn't like she could see in the darkness that was her dreams. She could hear the heavy breaths of someone chasing her as she ran. The feeling of a hand wrapping around her ankle, the smooth hard marble hitting the back of her head, the sound of the impact, Igor's cries of pain, and the feel of fists crashing into her face.
In the waking world she turned trying to find the warm soothing presence of Liam and coming up empty. Her face was screwed up, trying to get away from the nightmares that hooked their claws in her. She tossed on her bed, her fingers digging into the side of the bed where her lover should have been.
She could smell the scent of alcohol and too much cologne, her stomach turned threatening to pour it's contents onto the floor. Her head throbbed from where it had hit the stairs. She could feel hands on her body, shoving her skirt up ripping her panties off. Harsh voices detailing what they planned to do to her, to Liam after they had finished with her. They wanted to break her, to beat her and use her until she didn't care that they used her. She fought, not strong enough to free herself but she felt her nails sink into flesh, her teeth found and broke skin, her knees sank into tender bits. They tried to make her scream, tried to make her cry and she refused she fought but in the end they were too strong for her. She felt the iron of the shackles dig into her wrists. Smelled the scent of old sex and blood. There was glee in Vlad's voice as he spoke telling her over and over the same horrible things.
Rather than follow reality, where she was saved before the worst happened, it followed the nightmare path. In that path she was violated and brutlized over and over again. bloody and bruised and after what seemed to be an eternity she gave up, hung limply in her bonds and cried when they hurt her, screamed when they tortured her. Then she heard them bring in Nico as they made her listen as they murdered her twin.
In her bed Alexis twisted in agony as she screamed and tears streamed down her face. She clutched at Liam's pillow, pulling it close as her body sought comfort from her lover. Her voice broke as she continued to scream and sob, and the nightmares flooded through her. Each moment growing worse and worse, being forced to hear her brother's murder and then her lover's. Then the nightmare began to repeat, only this time she could see everything. She saw as they beat Nico until she couldn't recognize him before they finally pulled the trigger and splattered her brother's brains all over her. She tried to fall to her knees, wanting nothing more than to hold her twin in her arms again, only she was chained to the wall. Then the process played over again with Liam, only he told them all that he had never really loved her, she was just convenient. Still they beat him making it last days until they executed him in front of her.
Liam, who had had to leave Alexis while he dealt with a minor security breach caused by a particularly suicidal crow, came running as soon as Meatloaf called him. Crawling into the bed he pulled Alexis into his arms but looked at the little rodent who sat biting off his fingernails like some parody of old cartoons, "What's going on?"
"She's having a nightmare but I can't make her wake up. She keeps blocking me." Meatloaf continued to chew his nails as he started to pace on his hind legs. "She's actively fighting me to stay in that state, saying she needs to deal with it." He looked up at Liam as though he were about to impart a major secret. "She never has you know. Never dealt with any of it, just kept soldiering through and never looking back. Now her own mind won't let her escape it until she looks back and looks at the fears that she won't admit to anyone." He let out a little sigh. "I was hoping you could reach her."
Despite being locked in the horror show that her mind was forcing her to face Alexis recognized Liam's scent, her fingers twisted into his shirt and she stopped thrashing about just a bit. As she faced the damage that had been done to her emotionally by her kidnapping her mind moved onto the next major trauma. Having to sit by while Liam was gone during his first change. Locked into a dark hole while she tried to get to him, tried to help find him but everyone stood at the top of the hole and told her she needed to stay safe. She kept screaming that she wasn't safe, not while Liam was missing and possibly hurt. She pictured him tripping and breaking his neck, any number of stupid little accidents that could have taken him away from her permanently, including a hunter catching sight of him and deciding they wanted a beautiful black jaguar pelt to decorate their wall.
"Shh," Liam soothed, but her thrashing and soft cries were calling not to the man, but the beast, and soon the soft gentle sounds took on a harder edge, a growl that said whoever was hurting her would pay and pay dearly for it as he held her against his chest.
Despite the sound that would scare most people Alexis pressed her face into Liam's chest, her mind still forcing her to work through the things that she hadn't been able to face. Now it had shifted to being strapped down on a gurney, hearing people talk about her like she wasn't a person. The nightmare twisted reality, so rather than the rescue from Cam she was still locked in there while they brainwashed her, filling her empty mind with their propaganda. Then they let her go, let her return to the Tower where the people who loved her accepted her with open arms. Only this time rather than simply hurting Nico and Liam with her words and knees she got a hold of a knife and ruthlessly killed them both.
Her fingers let go of Liam's shirt as she clawed at her hands, trying to get the sticky blood off of her hands as the worst of the nightmare rolled through her. Feeling their blood splatter over her as she killed everyone who she had come to care for. Maggie, Lily, Brook, Elliot, Timo, Bryan even Jax and Dom until she was locked in a building full of the dead. Only then did her memories return. Only after she had coldly murdered every living person in the tower did she know what they had meant to her. With the memories of smiling laughing friends falling over her she let out a pained howl that sounded like it was ripped from the depths of her heart and soul. Then her mind began to loop. Starting back at the beginning. It took hours before she finally faced each trauma finally accepted that the thing she was most afraid of wasn't snakes or bed rest or horses but losing the people that she cared for. Losing the new family that actually acted like a family was supposed to because she hadn't been able to protect them.
"Wake up dearest," Liam said in his low, growling voice, kissing her lips then in a moment of inspiration lower, kissing her jaw and around to her ear, his tongue flicking out to lick her lobe.
Meatloaf let out a soft sigh as he felt the loop in his fleshy's mind break. At which point he scampered to the little nest that he had made and soundproofed so that the antics of the fleshies in the room wouldn't disturb him.
Alexis didn't slowly wake like she normally did instead her eyes flew open and she let out a little gasp. When she saw Liam there she let out a grateful cry and wrapped her arms around him. "You're okay." She said with a small sob.
"Of course sweetheart," Liam said but held her tightly, "I just had to go check up on security matters."
She nodded even though she didn't loosen her grip. The nightmares were too raw in her mind and still too vivid. "Just some really bad dreams." She said softly.
"Tell me what happened," Liam said softly, stroking her hair.
"It was more than just one nightmare." She said letting her head rest on his shoulder. "It started with the night that Vlad took me. Only you and Nico didn't rescue me this time. Vlad carried out all of his threats, including beating you and Nico to death while I couldn't protect you. I was chained to the wall and I heard it all." She forced her voice to be steady, refusing to let her voice break though she wanted to sob and cry she wouldn't let it happen. "Then it changed and it was the night you changed the first time. That got all twisted up too, not happening the way it did. In it a hunter shot and killed you and put your jaguar skin up on his wall as a trophy." Her teeth clenched as she took a moment to breath. "The last one was the worst. Nexus had me and they had brainwashed me before handing me back over to the Tower with a pretty little bow on top. I couldn't remember anything and everyone was trying to help me when I snapped, I killed everyone." This time a sob escaped her and her fingers tightened into his shirt. "I killed every single person here and then while the blood was still sticky on my hands I remembered, everything."
"Wouldn't happen honey," Liam said softly, "that's why you have Meatloaf. He may not keep you from nutting me, but he would have shut you down if you actually tried to hurt anyone that wasn't asking for it. They might be able to brainwash you but they could never get to him."
Meatloaf climbed into the bed with the fleshies and slipped his way up to Alexis' face. "He's right Alexis. I would have shut you down if you had tried to seriously hurt someone." He put a paw on her cheek with a ferrety smile.
"Thanks. Both of you." Alexis reached out and scritched Meatloaf on the belly. "It was just a bad dream, I'll be fine." She smiled at both of them.
"I think you should probably talk to Donya about it, she's the closest thing we have to a councilor," Liam said softly.
"Do you really think I should? It was just a bad dream, not like I don't have those all the time." She snorted but he could see that she was seriously thinking about what he had said.
"Yes," Liam said, "I really think you should. This wasn't a normal dream. You wouldn't let Meatloaf wake you up."
She looked up at him in confusion. "I don't remember him trying to wake me up. Why would I not let him wake me up?" She alternated her gaze between her sliver and her lover.
"You said you needed to work things out Lexi. That you wouldn't wake up until you did." Meatloaf said the words softly as he nuzzled into his favorite spot beneath her chin.
"And it took me more than usual to calm you and wake you up," Liam said pointedly, "normally just the sound of my voice or my holding you is enough."
Alexis let out soft sigh. "I'll talk to Donya tomorrow." She said with a small nod. "I'm sorry if I frightened you."
Liam squeezed her tight, "I'm just glad you're working on it."
"Would have been nice if my brain told me I needed to work on it before it ambushed me." Alexis said with a little snort. She was trying to lighten the mood and show that she was fine, and for the first time in the last few months she thought she might actually be heading in that direction.
"I think it did, remember you do have night terrors whenever I am not in bed with you. You didn't used to have to have someone in bed every night to keep them away," Liam pointed out.
"No I just thought the frequency of them had changed. I used to sneak into Nico's bed on the nights they struck." Alexis said honestly even as she shrugged. "He used to be my shield while I slept."
"Unless one of us is with you, you have nightmares, when I have to leave I usually have Meatloaf call me at the first sign that you are entering dream sleep so I can hurry back and keep you from having nightmares," Liam said softly.
"And you thought I was safe since I had already gotten past that." She gave him a smile and kissed his chin.
Liam nodded, "Now it's time for you to go back to sleep, I won't go anywhere but you need to rest otherwise Timo might put you on bedrest again."
"You could always wear me out." Alexis gave him an impish grin as she snuggled in close to him. She was already slightly drowsy, despite the fact that she had been asleep for hours it had not been a restful sleep.
"Sleep, that can wait until you are rested," Liam said with a laugh, shaking his head, "insatiable."
"Only with you Liam." Alexis murmured as she pressed her ear to his heart and let the steady thrum of his heartbeat lull her back to sleep. This time there were no nightmares waiting for her, only sweet dreams of her and Liam spending time together.