What Am I Doing? (Part 1 of 4)
Location: Wizard Island Facility, Bryan's Quarters
Timeline: March 27th, 2010
Jax paced the room from one corner to the other, passing Bryan where he sat cross legged at the foot of their bed. His hair stuck up in all directions from running his fingers through it at least three times already. This was his third circuit and he still hadn't figured out how to explain to Bryan what was going on in his head.
"I don't know how to do this," Jax finally said as he sagged back, leaning against the edge of the dresser.
Bryan arched an inquisitive eyebrow, "Do what?"
"Actually try to get into a relationship with someone?" Jax said helplessly.
"Your winning charm and sexy bod ain't enough to get what you want?" The young Faelord propped an incredulous chin in his hand, struggling not to laugh. "Say it ain't so!"
Jax gave an exaggerated shrug, his voice overly incredulous, "I know right?!?" His laugh was soft though, "But seriously, the longest relationship I've had before you was three weeks when I was 14, then I cheated on her with her older sister! But it's not worth the effort for just the extra parts in bed, I have to actually like the girl and I've never tried to seduce someone I actually liked. Even you seduced me! I wouldn't have known where to start trying to seduce you! I would have gotten so tongue tied you would have thought I had a serious brain injury or something."
He got up and started to pace again, his fingers going to his hair further messing it up, "It's like now that I've seen her wet and scaly she's afraid of... something. I mean we've talked a few times, and a couple of those times we made out. Which is awesome, don't get me wrong. After what feels like a second but is actually minutes she pulls back and comes up with some excuse to leave. She doesn't seem upset or anything, just... pensive."
"I know this is a stretch but have you asked why?" Bryan teased, his smile warm and fond. For all his shortcomings he adored Jax. "You said she had been through a lot and if you're looking for someone for more than sex, don't you think you ought to get to know her better? We talk and stuff between sex, you know."
"We do talk!" Jax said defensively, though by now Bryan knew Jax well enough to know that the tone was just for effect. "I said we talked and then we made out," he leaned against the dresser again, "that too, if I try to turn the talking to anything at all serious or relationship-y she either changes the subject or kisses me... that part I don't mind so much..."
"It might be hard but you might have to put off kissing to get an answer."
Jax narrowed his eyes, "Try telling her that."
"Not a bad idea, actually." Bryan nodded.
One dark eyebrow climbed, "Really?"
"We're in this together, right?" Bryan lay back propped on his elbows and stretched long, lean legs. "I'm not doing it all for you but I can at least find out what's going on with her."
"I can see that," Jax said considering, "But you'd be willing to do that?" His eyebrow climbed again as he straightened and stalked over, Bryan looked just too damn appealing stretched out like that. He crawled onto the bed, the motion somehow feline as he straddled Bryan's thighs, "I thought the whole appeal of dating boys was not having to deal with all that talking about your feelings stuff?"
"Yeah, well, I wouldn't be much of a singer and songwriter if I didn't know how to express my feelings." Strong hands took Jax by the hips and tugged him to sit in Bryan's lap. He peered up, violet eyes meeting gray, reaching up to kiss. "Everything is about you is physical," he breathed. "I get you but maybe you need a translator with Abby." He slid his fingers under the back of Jax' waistband and drew their bodies to press tightly together. He smiled up at his lover, "I'm not letting you completely off the hook but yeah, you're my baby and I want to see you happy."
"You know it's only because you've lived three lifetimes that you get to call me baby right?" Jax asked as he leaned forward, pushing Bryan onto his back and looming over him.
"Your point?" A wicked smile spread across Bryan's lips.
Jax sat up, settling into Bryan's hands but he looked pensive and a little sad, "Can something like this really work with someone like me? I mean, I'm just not... I don't even know what I am trying to say." He sighed, running his fingers through his hair in the nervous gesture Bryan had seen many times.
"You mean someone sweet, gallant, funny, and triple-dipped in sexy like you?" Bryan drew Jax into a big, strong hug and placed a kiss on his hair. "Jax, I've loved you from the second you kissed me in front of a man in black. I'm nervous because we're treading new territory but I don't regret helping you." He dropped his head back onto the pillow with a sigh, staring at the ceiling as he considered his next words.
"Jax," he said. "You're naturally thoughtful, considerate, and giving. That's enough for most but something more is going on with Abby. Babe," he combed his fingers back through Jax' hair. "There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with your being bisexual. You have plenty of love to give. You can commit to a relationship. You've proven it with us and it'll be even better once you find someone the other half of your soul needs. You just have to be prepared that it might not be Abby."
"I know that, and however much I like and admire her I'm not in love with her, at least not yet anyway. I've just never tried to do anything like this," Jax said with a sigh, "and honestly I've never really been turned down before, am I just that conceited? That I am having this huge reaction to my first smidgen of rejection?"
"I don't think it's rejection. She's sending mixed signals." Bryan countered. "She kisses you. She lets you come back. She isn't complaining. What are you doing different from when we met?"
"Um... there's never a bed nearby?" Jax asked, grinning.
"Duh, wall sex," he smacked Jax playfully upside the head. "No, from the start you acted like we were together. No fretting, none of this talk about relationships. You crawled into my bed and never left; happily ever after, amen. What's the difference between us then and now with Abby?"
"Okay, privacy then. Girls usually want a little romance or at least the lack of an audience," Jax amended, "as for the difference, I have no idea."
"You mentioned earlier that Abby changed the subject every time you brought up relationships. You never brought that up between us. We hooked up, we liked it, and the rest was history." Bryan shrugged, "Why are you talking to her about relationships, anyway?"
"I'm not, not really, I mean I never get that far, it's not like I'm just walking up to her and saying 'hey baby, wanna settle down and buy a house with a white picket fence and squirt out a 2.5 kids?' It's any time I try to just... get to know her," Jax frowned harder, "Like yesterday, I took her and Timo lunch, because they skip meals almost as much as Cam. Things were going great until Timo finished and went to go see Brook. I know from what I've heard her talk about that she's on good terms with her dads so I asked how they were doing. I was going to offer to take her to see them as a 'hey let's be friends.' Then I don't know what happened, one minute I was talking and we were smiling and the next she'd crawled into my lap and was kissing me..."
The Fae Prince gave Jax a long, dry stare. "That was a bad thing?"
"No, but then Timo came back and she just went back to work like nothing happened. Even Timo seemed confused," Jax sighed.
"Okay, yeah, that is fucking weird." Bryan frowned. "There's definitely something going on with Abby. I'm gonna talk with her. See if maybe that helps. In the meantime," he hooked his arms around Jax' neck and kissed him deeply. A smile and affectionate nuzzle followed. "Let it go for now. You're not doing anything wrong. You're not conceited or shallow. You're the hottest, sweetest guy I know and you get laid so much because of your big…" he grinned suggestively, "heart. We'll fix this, I promise."
Jax let his confusion and self doubt slide away under the reassuring touch of his lover. Bryan... Kestrel... he still couldn't believe it. Cupping Bryan's face he shook his head, "How did I get so lucky?"
Bryan beamed sweetly, "You unzipped."